I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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