it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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