My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's blow job season.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
