Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
