it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
