Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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