just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i came on her dog
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
