Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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