I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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