Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
