margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I had to cum in my sink.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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