I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
