I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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