he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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