One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
