Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
