It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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