you guys were way drunker than both of me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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