NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
