I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
