no you cant smoke seaweed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
