If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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