Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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