Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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