how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
