the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
