I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
