absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
