the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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