my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
