did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
