you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
