After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
