Define "chronic" masturbator.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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