If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
