Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize