She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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