why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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