there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
