He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dignity is for republicans.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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