im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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