Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
