Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
