around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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