You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
