plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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