She's JV to your varsity
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
