sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
