How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
