Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
