Farmville is her only friend.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There r osticjed everywhere
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
