So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
