just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
