I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My vagina just clenched in fear
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
