Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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