I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
