Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
