once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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