You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
