well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
