absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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