I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
