This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
