So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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