Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
