my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
