Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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