hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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