im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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