how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
