He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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