I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
