I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
